how to love

How to Love

Who Taught You How To Love?

What a profound question.  Many of us do not even think about who taught us how to love.  We haven’t learned how to cultivate, nurture or even create a safe place for it to grow.  We just go through the motions and think we know how to love.  We get into relationships and/or friendships and assume we know what we are doing.  However, it’s not that easy. Who Taught You How To Love?

Some people were taught how to love by their parents, their grandparents or siblings.  Some were taught by their aunts or uncles.  Some were even taught by their first love. Who Taught You How To Love

They received the love, hugs, encouragement, and self-worth they needed.  They were told how special they were and they could accomplish whatever they wanted to accomplish.  It was that type of encouragement that allowed them to be who they are and know they were loved and able to love.  You build off of that and develop the skills needed to be in a healthy relationship. Who Taught You How To Love

However, some were never taught how to love. They did not have the opportunity to be loved and supported.  Some were never hugged or told I love you. 

We look around us and not see positive relationships.  No one around us was able to show us how to love.

When you are not taught how to love as a child or adolescent it affects the way you love in the future.  A lot of people go through life looking for love but not knowing how to find it or even how to love someone. Who Taught You How To Love

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You think something is wrong with you.  You start to have low self esteem which in turn makes you feel like you are not worthy of love.

You go from relationship to relationship.  When you are in relationships and struggling you wonder what you can do.  What is missing in your lives.  You crave to be loved.  You want a connection with someone.  You get into relationships thinking that will be the cure.  Then you realize that there is something missing and you can’t pinpoint it.

It boils down to the fact you weren’t taught how to be in a relationship; that is where the struggle begins.  If you haven’t been nurtured, how can you nurture?

It can even affect how you treat and raise your children.  If you don’t know how to love, you can’t teach your children.  You can’t show them how to hug and kiss and feel wanted. It becomes a vicious cycle.

There is hope.  It’s a process.  You can start by loving yourselves.  Look at your qualities.  Love who you are.  Start looking at all the positive things that you do.  We are all good at something.  Focus on that.

Start using affirmations like “I am worth loving”.  “I am special”. “I have a lot of love to give.” “Someone will love me.” 

Pay attention to how you treat people.  Are you a good friend?  Has someone treated you well?  Pay attention to how someone describes you.  Ask for a hug or a kiss.  Ask for a kind word.  Give a hug, a kiss or kind word.  It takes practice but you can learn to love yourself and in turn love someone else.

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I’m here to support you and help you through your journey.  It’s a journey that will help you love yourself and love someone else.

So, who taught you?

Debra B. Hamilton

Relationship & Intimacy Coach.

Debra B Hamilton
Debra B Hamilton

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