Don’t judge the behaviour.
I was that kid that was “bad”, I was disrespectful to the teachers, I was an attention seeker, I played truant, I stole alcohol and drank too much putting myself in hospital twice from alcohol poisoning.
I was desperately unhappy.
I wasn’t always that way, things were ok in my younger years and then I hit 13. My behaviour was blamed upon my father leaving, that was what my mother blamed it on anyway. She was so disgustingly vile to him, no man in their right mind would’ve stayed in that situation.
That wasn’t the reason I was so unhappy. That wasn’t the reason my behaviour changed. That wasn’t the reason I drank and played truant and self harmed.
I was carrying emotional trauma. Hidden to everyone, including me.
How does a judge become a judge?
The symptoms of hidden emotional trauma can be small yet they are mighty. A behaviour change, a change in eating habits, a change in hygiene, losing friends, suddenly having a new group of friends….. these things often get overlooked, especially a young person moving into those “tricky teenage years”.
Any type of sudden change in a person should be questioned. Any type of sudden feeling change in ourselves should be questioned, because there is always a reason. how does a judge become a judge.
That thing that happened to you, that you think didn’t bother you, or you believe you are over it. Take a good look at your behaviour, has it changed in any way? Have you changed in any way? Do you feel the way you used to?
The thing about trauma is that it will not sit dormant in our memory bank. It will present itself in patterns of negative behaviour.
Negative emotion = negative behaviour
Positive emotion = positive behaviour
It’s the behaviour that people get judged on, rather than looking for the reason that is causing, or has caused the behaviour.
When my father left, all of my mother’s hatred and bitterness was then directed at me as I was the oldest child. I was blamed for my father leaving, I was blamed for ruining my mothers figure as I was born by Caesarian, I was called names, screamed at, put down continuously.
To avoid all of this I avoided being in the house, instead choosing to roam the streets at night. It didn’t take too long for me to be groomed and then trafficked for sexual exploitation.
Of course I told no one, I had no one to tell. I hid it, thought I was over it. I didn’t know that my feelings and my presenting behaviour were the result of emotional trauma and no one recognised my symptoms.
My behaviour worsened, leading to my eventual exclusion from school at 15 years old with no education.
I carried my hidden emotional trauma for 20 years without realising. Just assuming that life was supposed to be that hard, that I was supposed to be unhappy so often and that I was supposed to dislike myself immensely. I thought it was normal to feel that way.
This is what has led me to a full career change to define the purpose of my life, which is to help others recognise and resolve emotional trauma before it can develop into patterns of negative behaviour.
The presenting problem is never the actual problem and there is always a reason for a persons behaviour. I have made it my mission now to educate and encourage others to look behind the reason for the behaviour, rather than simply judge the behaviour itself.
If you feel you are struggling with emotional trauma, or are unsure how you feel. Talk to someone you trust, or contact a professional.
Never be afraid of how your story will be received. Trauma is perceived as such by the individual, that thing that might traumatise one person might not bother the other, we all have different coping skills and we all have differing levels of resilience. So no other person can feel exactly the way you do about what happened to you. is judge toler a real judge?
The most important thing is early intervention, before the trauma can develop into patterns of undesirable behaviour. Speaking out is the bravest thing you can do and who knows, by sharing your story you might inspire another to seek help with their own trauma. Read breaking-the-theodosian-code raging judge vs judge.
Stroud, England, United Kingdom
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2 thoughts on “Don’t Judge The Behaviour”
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